Growing up~

today, i sat in front of my computer and read the blog written by Melody~ A honest and touching diary of a mother and her genuine love for her child. I was rather touched by one of the comments: "Growing up is a once in a life time thing, once you miss it; it's gone." Such a true statement, i think. I've always been a family ( at least in my mind) and recently with all the planning for wedding and all, i've started thinking about family of my own as well. All my life i've thought that i want to have kids. One girl and one boy. Kinda like my sister and I. I guess that i really wanna get the 'full' experience of dealing with both genders~ However, as the reality approaches, i've started having all these doubts. Will i be a good father? (will i be a good partner?)

I've never been a bad kid, in the most conventional sense. Nevertheless, i've never been a perfect kid myself either. After enduring a sickness plaged childhood; my parents then had to put up with the disappointment of all the troubles i was in school wise. to their credit, My parents are almost perfect, i think. in retrospective, i am the one who really can't seem to 'make them truly proud' for once. Were they experiencing the same sentiment?? that 'growing up is a once in a lifetime thing' so let's give this son of ours one more chance?? Now that i'm an adult, getting married soon, and possibly having a family of my own. I begin to wonder how i'd measure up to my own parents.

I once told jack that we'd be truly blessed if we have a kid like chloe. She told me that Chloe is cute for sure but also can be very challenging for parents. I believe that my response was that 'at least she's healthy and blessed with lots of energy' and that's what parents ask for, right? then again, i am not a parent, yet, and i don't think that i can truly appreciate the magnitude of the responsibility and patience needed for the job. Maybe i just want my kid to be like me. Ordinary but mostly with a good heart. Mistake prone but still well liked. Maybe that's what i should have. So i have the chance to show the same amount of patience and love to this kid (to be) as a way to repay the graces that my parents have demonstrated to me, growing up.