mean score~

lately, i've been thinking about the GREAT Barrie Bennet's 'Mean Score' theory.

(oh, hi, how are you all~ i know, i've been gone for a while from this blog..... oh, who's barrie?? he's one of my prof from teacher's college, and he's quite well known~)

Barrie once told us that at any given moment in a classroom, a teacher's mean score can go from 0 to a 100 faster than a toyota camry (it's fast, alright~). oh, the camry analogy is not exactly what Barrie used. What he meant by mean score is how the students grade a teacher. The mean score may not be objective (cus the students don't know any better~ ) but it is a great indication of how a teacher handle a classroom full of annoying kids and still able to keep his/her composure. I am sure that most of us grew up having 'mean' teachers. In TW, teachers were so 'mean' that they are even 'allowed' to physically punish the student without consequences (well, to an extend, i mean.) I often wondered why did the teacher have to be so uptight~ We weren't doing anything 'terribly' wrong~ we were just kids trying to have some fun~ It's rather difficult to understand my teachers then; but i am definitely more able to sympaticize what my teachers went through now.

i told my kids: it's not that i don't 'understand' their urges to move around and run outside; I too have lots of problem sitting at one spot for more than 10 minutes. Nevertheless, i simply cannot condone their behaviours towards other teachers and me. My mean score in the last couple weeks went from sub zero to 10,000 and then back down to 50 and went up to 100.....it's like a rollercoater ride, and i felt that my mean score is totall beyond my control. I hate yelling at kids. I simply cannot understand why they rather be yelled at then to simply act the way they are expected too. I also cannot understand why couldn't they see the fact that life will be much better if they have a kind teacher; but they seem to take my kindness for my weakness.

I wonder if i am a fair teacher.

I wonder if i am an effective teacher.

I wonder if i am a well liked teacher.

I wonder if i can continue to be a teacher.



Then on my way to work this past Friday, i drove on the 16th watching the Sun rising behind me. It was a beautiful day, and i haven't had enough sleep. But i found myself at peace with everything. I found myself smiling cus i am going to school~ I found myself forgiving and forgetting all the nasty behaviours but focusing on what these kids could become one day. And then i remembered that fateful afternoon when i sent a kid (P) out of the classroom because someone came to me in the midst of chaos and report P's misbehaviour. At the end of the day, P came in and looked as if nothing has happened. I scolded at P and questioned him how come he doesn't feel at all embarrassed by his actions. P smiled at me and told me that he didn't know why i sent him out. So i turned to the student who reported the incidence a while ago to confront P. The student came to me in confusion and told me that he was reporting on another student! P simply stood there and smiled. I turned, apologized and asked him: "why didn't you say something?" P replied " i am sure that you had your reason, and no apology is needed."

That's when i realized that we all have our mean scores, students and teachers alike. If a student can forgive me; i can forgive them as well.